Social Chameleon™

“Draw the curtain, the fraud is over.” – Francois Rabelais

Whilst I was talking to one of my clients just the other day, who also happens to be a life coach, he was telling me some of the reasons he isn’t making the kind of money he really would like to be making. One of his ideas was that if more people knew about him and his services then at some point people would start to realise just how stupid he really was. I think he used the phrase “People will realise I’m a fraud”.

I found this interesting and it’s not the first time I’ve come across this way of thinking, especially within NLP, Hypnosis, Coaching type communities.

This way of thinking seems to work in the following way: A person does some training and decides on a new career path, usually because they have a desire to help people. Then they make up an image in their minds of what someone should be like if they’re to help other people and how they think this person should behave. They then portray this image to the rest of the world but secretly, in their own lives they do things just like every other human being. They have relationships that go bad, they screw things up and make mistakes and then go out and get drunk, end up dancing on a table in their underwear singing “I want to break freeeee”. Then they tell themselves “If my clients knew I was a real human being they’d know I was a fraud. I must look perfect for as long as possible”.

In doing this they create inside of themselves a kind of ticking-time-bomb. The idea that at some point they’re going to be discovered and defeated and that their world will come crumbling down. Many times in their pursuit to maintain the life they have and the career they have, they sabotage any hope of actually getting clients, just in case their worst nightmares come true.

This is certainly one way of going about things and I’ve seen a lot of people do it however I have a slight problem with it:

There is a much easier and more fulfilling way

I used to know a guy who had several groups of friends and he interacted with each group at different times and in different contexts. Some days he’d be with one group of friends who liked the same music as him, the next day he’d be with the group that seemed more “popular”, and the next days he’d hang out with the sophisticado of the university he went too.

This all seemed fine until a few of the friends from one group started talking to a few of the friends from the other group. The problem was, with different groups of friends this guy was a totally different person and when people started to realise he wasn’t exactly what he’d portrayed, they decided he wasn’t the kind of person they’d really want to spend any time with.

They discovered he was a fraud and as one guy told me. “That guy is just a social chameleon!!”

We all have times when it’s appropriate to act a little differently than we normally do. When I’m with my best friends I say things I might not say at work and when I’m with family I do things differently than I do around my clients.

We’ve all got those scenarios and we all have to cater for different contexts in different ways however there’s one thing that determines whether we’re being a Social Chameleon or not.

When you’re true to yourself, you can never be a fraud

Regardless of whether I’m with my friends, my family, my colleagues or my clients, there are certain things about me that are me. If I was to go out for an evening with my friends and my colleagues, they’d still be with the same Jamie and if my family came along to see me do a client session, they’d experience the same me they know and love.

“The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one’s self. All sin is easy after that.” – Pearl Bailey

When you begin to find that light inside that lets you know you’re being yourself and when you focus in on that light in place of acting like someone you’re not, life becomes a hella lot easier and people can truly begin to enjoy you for being you.

Whether you’re a coach, and NLPer, a Hypnotherapist or just someone who’s going through life worrying that people will one day figure you out and the world will implode with disastrous consequences, stop for a moment and ask yourself:

Am I being the person that I know I truly am and am I allowing other people the chance to love me for being me?

The more you start to focus in on what it is that makes you special and unique and when you allow yourself the freedom of being that person when ever you want, you’ll find that the only thing people can accuse you of is being you. This is the place where you begin to learn more about being you and also about your own capabilities. Often it isn’t’ until a person starts being themselves that they realise they need a little bit more training, or a friend to check in with once a week to go over weekly achievements.

If you’re afraid of being caught out or of being a fraud, have a think about what it’s like to really be yourself and discover new ways of being that person when ever you choose.

As with everything I write, this isn’t a new rule to follow but simply a suggestion to break out of old habits and become more free IF you want too.

And on that note I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

“He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.” – Mark Twain

Love, Jamie